“If you don’t give your mind and body a break, you’ll break. Stop pushing yourself through pain and exhaustion and take care of your needs.” ~Lori Deschene
In the relentless rhythm of modern life, the simple act of resting often feels like a luxury, or worse, a failure. Yet, as Lori Deschene wisely reminds us, neglecting our need for respite comes at a steep price. For one individual, this truth became starkly apparent in November 2021 when an autoimmune flare-up brought life to a grinding halt.
Whether it was rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, or a combination of both, the overwhelming achiness and debilitating fatigue were unmistakable signals. Waking up tired, needing constant naps, and frequently ‘running out of spoons’ – a poignant metaphor from Christine Miserandino’s ‘The Spoon Theory’ for limited energy reserves in chronic illness – underscored a profound demand for rest. But knowing one needs rest and actually achieving it are two vastly different challenges.
The Paradox of Rest: Why We Struggle to Unwind
The human body, when pushed to its limits, will eventually cry out for a pause. Yet, even with a mind and body screaming for relief, the author found herself battling an internal resistance to rest. Sitting down to watch a show often devolved into a multitasking session, and naps were postponed with the stubbornness of a defiant child. The ingrained urge to ‘push through’ to finish an email or move laundry was a powerful, almost automatic response, overriding the clear signals of exhaustion. Ultimately, it required a conscious act of ‘reparenting’ – setting firm boundaries and enforcing rest periods – to truly allow the body and mind to recover.
The Cultural Conditioning Against Stillness
This struggle is not unique. Western society, particularly in the United States, is deeply entrenched in a culture of relentless productivity. From a young age, we are bombarded with messages that equate busyness with worth. Phrases like “I’ll rest when I’m dead” and “no rest for the weary” are not just clichés; they are deeply embedded societal mandates. We are taught to “pay our dues,” “put in the work,” and never stop until we are “done,” regardless of fatigue.
Even without explicit instruction, we absorb these values by observing those around us. We witness parents juggling work, errands, and chores, often continuing paid and unpaid labor long after dinner, leaving little room for genuine relaxation. The innocent childhood answer of “nothing” to the question “What are you doing?” is often met with a subtle disapproval, reinforcing the idea that idleness is unproductive and therefore undesirable. In this environment, rest is not a priority; it’s something one must earn or justify.
Redefining Rest: More Than Just Sleep
It’s crucial to understand that rest extends far beyond mere sleep, though adequate sleep is undeniably a cornerstone. True rest encompasses a spectrum of activities that allow the mind and body to disengage from demands and rejuvenate. This could mean:
- Sitting comfortably, doing very little.
- Listening to music or engaging with a calming TV show.
Practicing meditation or mindfulness.
- Quietly working on a jigsaw puzzle or a craft.
- Immersing oneself in a book or an article.
- Playing a solitary game like solitaire.
- Simply gazing out a window or journaling without a specific goal.
The common thread is a deliberate shift away from obligation and a focus on gentle, restorative engagement.
The Steep Cost of Ignoring Our Body’s Cries
During her autoimmune flare, the author realized how profoundly she had overridden her body’s signals. The constant drive to stay busy had dulled her ability to honestly assess her needs, pushing her to the brink of collapse. Brain fog, debilitating fatigue, and pervasive joint and muscle pain became daily companions, making even simple tasks feel monumental. A ‘good’ day might involve just one load of laundry or cooking a single meal.
This state of chronic overexertion, fueled by societal pressures and personal conditioning, inevitably leads to burnout. The insidious nature of fatigue, pain, and brain fog makes clear assessment almost impossible, trapping individuals in a cycle of pushing harder while feeling worse. Recognizing this perilous edge, the author made a radical decision: to clear her calendar for three weeks, stepping away from appointments, scheduling minimal blog posts, and prioritizing time off.
Initially, this commitment to rest was a form of torture. The sight of her husband engaging in ‘proper’ work behavior – teaching tai chi and qigong – served as a stark reminder of the world’s expectations. Yet, this deliberate act of choosing rest, despite the discomfort and the ingrained resistance, was the essential first step towards healing and reclaiming well-being. The journey to prioritize rest is an ongoing battle against deeply ingrained habits and societal norms, but it is a battle worth fighting for our physical and mental health.
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