Embracing the Emotional Self: A Journey Through Sensitivity and Resilience

“Whatever you’re feeling, it will eventually pass. You won’t feel sad forever. At some point, you will feel happy again. You won’t feel anxious forever. In time, you will feel calm again. You don’t have to fight your feelings or feel guilty for having them. You just have to accept them and be good to yourself while you ride this out. Resisting your emotions and shaming yourself will only cause you more pain, and you don’t deserve that. You deserve your own love, acceptance, and compassion.” – Lori Deschene

For over a decade, the phrase “one cry a day” has been my lighthearted defense, a quirky explanation for the tears that often well up in response to life’s myriad moments. Whether it’s a surge of joy, a pang of gratitude, a flicker of surprise, or the weight of sadness, my eyes often betray the depth of my internal landscape. It’s a characteristic as old as my memory, a testament to an emotionally sensitive temperament I now understand I was born with.

The Genesis of a Sensitive Soul

My earliest vivid encounter with being utterly overwhelmed by emotion dates back to the birth of my younger sister. At six years old, tired of being the lone girl amidst two brothers, I yearned for a baby sister. The day she arrived, September 14, 1995, was etched into my memory. As my aunt announced, “It’s a girl!”, we jumped with excitement. Yet, amidst the elation, I found myself inexplicably sobbing. Confused and a little scared, I looked up at my aunt, tears streaming, and asked, “Why am I crying?” Her gentle smile and reassurance that these were “happy tears” unveiled a profound truth: emotions, even joyous ones, could manifest powerfully, and I was, unequivocally, a deeply emotional person.

When Emotions Guide the Way

My tears, I’ve come to understand, are not a sign of overactive tear ducts but a tangible expression of my inner world. They are a compass, guiding me through the intricate terrain of my feelings. This high sensitivity, a trait common among many, particularly those in helping professions like therapy, has become a cornerstone of my identity. “It is good to be in touch with my emotions,” I often remind myself during my daily cry, “It’s why I can do the work that I do.”

Big emotions, however, are a double-edged sword. They can feel like a tornado, exhilarating me with highs—like the sheer delight of tearing up while jumping to Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody”—but also plunging me into challenging lows. The same sensitivity that allows me to feel profound joy when a stranger offers a small kindness also exposes me to the full force of less pleasant emotions. We cannot, after all, selectively choose our feelings; the wanted often arrive hand-in-hand with the unwanted.

The Teenage Turning Point: From Mantra to Metric

As I entered adolescence, the playful “one cry a day” transformed from a personal mantra into a daunting benchmark. My self-conscious teenage self yearned for control, for the ability to limit my emotional responses to what I perceived as “normal.” The intense emotional reactivity, once a quirky trait, now brought with it a heavy cloak of shame and embarrassment. I believed I was “too old” for such overt emotional displays, convinced that everyone else possessed a self-control I desperately lacked. This internal monologue fueled a belief that something was fundamentally wrong with me.

The daily rollercoaster of exhilarating highs and stomach-dropping lows was exhausting. By the end of high school, I sought a way to mediate this emotional turbulence, inadvertently stumbling into a series of behaviors that would evolve into an eating disorder. What began as “quick tricks” soon spiraled into compulsive obsessions, their frequency steadily increasing. These rituals became my perceived lifeline, a necessary crutch to function, for without them, the raw intensity of my daily emotional experience felt utterly unbearable. College brought further struggles, making it difficult to engage with life – to attend classes, or socialize – without the perceived assistance of “E.D.”

Finding Compassion Amidst the Storm

The journey of a highly sensitive individual is often one of profound internal exploration. While the path can be fraught with challenges, particularly when seeking unhealthy coping mechanisms, the underlying truth remains: our emotions, in all their intensity, are a fundamental part of who we are. Understanding and accepting this sensitivity, rather than fighting it, is the first step toward genuine self-compassion and discovering healthier ways to navigate the beautiful, complex landscape of our feelings. It is a continuous process of learning to be good to oneself, riding out the emotional waves with kindness and acceptance, and ultimately, finding strength in vulnerability.

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