“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ~Rumi
Life, in its unpredictable cruelty, often delivers blows that shatter our world. For me, that moment arrived on July 2, 2009, with three devastating words: “He is gone.” What I initially mistook for a temporary absence quickly revealed itself as an eternal void. My body reacted instantly, a visceral knotting in my stomach, a cessation of breath, long before my mind could grasp the irreversible truth. The man I loved more than life itself never returned from his camping trip, and in many profound ways, neither did the person I once was.
My heart fractured into a million pieces, initiating a fifteen-year odyssey of painstaking reconstruction. Despite a background steeped in holistic medicine, psychology, and human services, no academic knowledge could shield me from the relentless grip of chronic PTSD. The textbooks offered no solace, no roadmap for the profound trauma that consumed me.
The Unforeseen Catalyst for Healing
For years, I existed in a state of suspended animation, a profound shutdown. The sheer magnitude of my experiences rendered me incapable of conscious processing. The question haunted me: “Who would I have been if I hadn’t been broken first?” I watched women in their twenties with their futures seemingly unblemished, while I, in my thirties, felt irrevocably set back, damaged beyond repair. How could I ever guide others when my own heart still ached, still wrestled with anxiety and depression?
The turning point arrived with the most unexpected of blessings: my daughter. Her impending arrival ignited a fierce, undeniable light within me, a new purpose worth fighting for. It was for her that I finally embarked on the arduous journey towards wellness and wholeness, determined to be the mother I never had.
Redefining Worth: Beyond Perfection
As I meticulously rebuilt my life, the nagging doubt persisted: had trauma stolen too much for me to truly start over? Could I, with my fractured past, ever genuinely help others? It took considerable time and introspection, but I eventually unearthed a profound truth: service to others demands not perfection, not unceasing joy, nor a scar-free history. It requires the raw courage of authenticity, the unwavering belief that even in our most broken moments, our worth remains intact.
Beneath the weight of undone tasks, unfolded laundry, car clutter, overdraft fees, and wrinkled clothes, my intrinsic value endured. This realization blossomed when I dared to embrace vulnerability, to expose the unpolished, the uncertain, the confused parts of myself that still clung to the hope of healing. I began to question if my imperfections and struggles weren’t detours at all, but integral threads woven into the very fabric of my path.
Scars as Pathways, Not Roadblocks
Were the perceived roadblocks and detours actually crucial lessons, essential for my journey and grander purpose? Had it not been for the profound loss, the searing trauma, and the relentless struggle, would I have ever been compelled to undertake such deep inner work? At this juncture of my healing, the answer to “what if” matters less than the profound understanding I’ve gained: it is not what we endure, but how we choose to engage with it, that defines us.
My prolonged state of shutdown had led to an unconscious internal decay, a stagnation of growth and healing. Through dedicated practices—conscious somatic breathwork, bodywork, yoga, and Ayurvedic restorative techniques—I learned to nurture and process those “broken,” vulnerable, and healing fragments of myself. What were once sources of discomfort, shame, and secrecy began to transform. They became wellsprings of strength, wisdom, and a deeper capacity for connection with others.
The Alchemy of Transformation
Slowly, my pain ceased to be a burden I carried and evolved into a force I could transform. I once believed “he is gone” signified the end of my own life. Now, I understand that loss, scars, and struggle do not diminish our value; they illuminate it. Our worth is not erased by what leaves us, but rather revealed by how we choose to rise with what remains.
My life is irrevocably altered, and the blueprint of who I thought I was meant to be has shifted. Yet, I have learned to embrace each experience, extracting its lessons and releasing what no longer serves me. For years, I harbored the belief that my scars rendered me unworthy of helping others. Today, I recognize them as the very foundation of my capacity to do so. We don’t lose value in our brokenness; we amplify it when we find the courage to move forward, even when life is at its messiest.
So, I ask you: are you concealing your scars, or are you allowing them to light the way for someone else? The very vulnerability you hide may be the beacon that helps another feel seen, understood, and empowered to navigate their own secret pain.
Lynn Hanger is an Ayurvedic Life Mastery Coach dedicated to empowering burned-out, service-based women to restore their energy, balance their hormones, and realign with their authentic self and soul purpose.
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