How to Stay Kind Without Losing Yourself to Toxic Behavior

Breaking Free from the Cycle of Unappreciated Kindness

As the saying goes, “The strongest people are the ones who are still kind after the world tore them apart.” But what happens when that kindness is met with criticism, dismissal, and even attacks on our self-esteem? For many of us, the answer is a painful realization that our kindness has been taken for granted.
I know this all too well. A few months ago, I made the difficult decision to end a lifelong friendship with someone I considered a brother. The relationship had become toxic, with my friend constantly criticizing my optimism and labeling me a “failure.” Despite my best efforts to be understanding, I finally reached a breaking point and realized that I couldn’t continue to pour my heart and soul into a relationship that didn’t appreciate me.

Lesson 1: Don’t Use Kindness as a Bargaining Chip

As I reflected on my past behavior, I realized that I had been using kindness as a transaction. I would be nice and generous to others, but only if they reciprocated in a way that I found satisfactory. This approach is not only unhealthy but also toxic. When kindness is given conditionally, it stops being about helping others and becomes about satisfying our own desperate need for appreciation.

Lesson 2: View Kindness as an Expression of Who You Are

Kindness should be an expression of our true selves, not a means to an end. When we view kindness as a way to earn someone’s approval or appreciation, we risk losing ourselves in the process. Instead, we should focus on being kind because it’s who we are, not because we want someone else’s validation.

Lesson 3: Remember You’re Allowed to Withdraw Your Kindness

One of the hardest lessons I learned was that it’s okay to withdraw our kindness when it’s being taken for granted. We don’t have to be doormats or people-pleasers. Setting healthy boundaries and prioritizing our own well-being is essential to maintaining our kindness without losing ourselves.

Lesson 4: Don’t Let Negative People Convince You to Quit

Finally, I learned that we shouldn’t let negative people dictate how we live our lives or what kind of people we should be. When faced with criticism or judgment, we should remember that it’s often a reflection of the other person’s own struggles and insecurities.

Conclusion

Staying kind without losing ourselves to toxic behavior requires a deep understanding of our own motivations and boundaries. By viewing kindness as an expression of who we are, setting healthy boundaries, and prioritizing our own well-being, we can maintain our kindness without sacrificing our own happiness.

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